SuperBible
There is lot of confusion people have with bible. This is because when most people read it, they are operating as a level-0 christian. I know many level-0 christians -- many of them are happy that way, and I say to them bless you, and I wish you well.
However, I used to be level-0 christian, too, and very dissatisfied with bible, which is full of 'fat'. this fat makes it confusing and contradictory and hard to understand and memorize. So I tried to get rid of the fat. I remove the unnecessary words, as much as I can, and in this way I make a super-bible. I tried reading this, and it was a little strange at first, but it became easier. soon I got rid of more words and then vowels. eventually i can read a whole page at a single glance and understand the core-meaning. this is a level-1 christian stage. when you read normally as a level-0 christian, you only understand the surface meaning.
later, i discovered another technique for advancing to level-1 christian -- that is a 'blank prayer'
normal prayer is praying for something. it is a request to god, which is actually, when you think about it, kind of selfish -- 'i want something god, please give it to me'. but a 'blank prayer' doesn't ask god for anything -- it is just repition of god's name, "yahweh"
You repeat this name over and over, until suddenly you find you are not saying yahweh but something else. this means you have broken through and gotten closer to god's true name. once you find god's true name 100%, then there becomes no difference between you and god, but I don't think anyone has become a level-10 in that way yet.
After becoming a level-3 or level-4 christian, I basically stopped progress and lost the super-bible file, but I will try and recreate some of it for anyone interested.
GEN 1:1 In bgnnng Gd crtd hvn rth.
GEN 1:2 rth ws wtht frm, vd; drknss ws pn fc dp. Sprt Gd mvd pn fc wtrs.
GEN 1:3 Gd sd, Lt thr b lght: thr ws lght.
GEN 1:4 Gd sw lght, tht t ws gd: Gd dvdd lght drknss.
GEN 1:5 Gd clld lght D, drknss h clld Nght. vnng mrnng wr frst d.
GEN 1:6 Gd sd, Lt thr b frmmnt n mdst wtrs, lt t dvd wtrs wtrs.
GEN 1:7 Gd md frmmnt, dvdd wtrs whch wr ndr frmmnt wtrs whch wr bv frmmnt: t ws s.
GEN 1:8 Gd clld frmmnt Hvn. vnng mrnng wr scnd d.
GEN 1:9 Gd sd, Lt wtrs ndr hvn b gthrd tgthr nt n plc, lt dr lnd ppr: t ws s.
GEN 1:10 Gd clld dr lnd Erth; gthrng tgthr wtrs clld h Ss: Gd sw tht t ws gd.
GEN 1:11 Gd sd, Lt rth brng frth grss, hrb ldng sd, frt tr ldng frt ftr hs knd, whs sd s n tslf, pn r
GEN 1:12 rth brght frth grss, hrb ldng sd ftr hs knd, tr ldng frt, whs sd ws n tslf, ftr hs knd: Gd s
GEN 1:13 vnng mrnng wr thrd d.
GEN 1:14 Gd sd, Lt thr b lghts n frmmnt hvn dvd d nght; lt thm b fr sgns, fr ssns, fr ds, rs:
GEN 1:15 lt thm b fr lghts n frmmnt hvn gv lght pn rth: t ws s.
GEN 1:16 Gd md tw grt lghts; grtr lght rl d, lssr lght rl nght: h md strs ls.
GEN 1:17 Gd st thm n frmmnt hvn gv lght pn rth,
GEN 1:18 rl vr d vr nght, dvd lght drknss: Gd sw tht t ws gd.
GEN 1:19 vnng mrnng wr frth d.
GEN 1:20 Gd sd, Lt wtrs brng frth bndntl mvng crtr tht hth lf, fwl tht m fl bv rth n pn frmmnt hvn.
GEN 1:21 Gd crtd grt whls, vr lvng crtr tht mvth, whch wtrs brght frth bndntl, ftr thr knd, vr wngd f
GEN 1:22 Gd blssd thm, sng, B frtfl, mltpl, fll wtrs n ss, lt fwl mltpl n rth.
GEN 1:23 vnng mrnng wr ffth d.
GEN 1:24 Gd sd, Lt rth brng frth lvng crtr ftr hs knd, cttl, crpng thng, bst rth ftr hs knd: t ws s.
GEN 1:25 Gd md bst rth ftr hs knd, cttl ftr thr knd, vr thng tht crpth pn rth ftr hs knd: Gd sw tht t
GEN 1:26 Gd sd, Lt s mk mn n r mg, ftr r lknss: lt thm hv dmnn vr fsh s, vr fwl r, vr cttl, vr ll rth
GEN 1:27 S Gd crtd mn n hs wn mg, n mg Gd crtd h hm; ml fml crtd h thm.
GEN 1:28 Gd blssd thm, Gd sd nt thm, B frtfl, mltpl, rplnsh rth, sbd t: hv dmnn vr fsh s, vr fwl r, v
GEN 1:29 Gd sd, Bhld, I hv gvn vr hrb brng sd, whch s pn fc ll rth, vr tr, n whch s frt tr ldng sd; t
GEN 1:30 vr bst rth, vr fwl r, vr thng tht crpth pn rth, whrn thr s lf, I hv gvn vr grn hrb fr mt: t
GEN 1:31 Gd sw vr thng tht h hd md, , bhld, t ws vr gd. vnng mrnng wr sxth d.
gargyles! slykicks! dork-sided!
gargyles? I don't understand what that means -- you must be level-5 christians!
GEN 2:1 Ths hvns rth wr fnshd, ll hst thm.
GEN 2:2 n svnth d Gd ndd hs wrk whch h hd md; h rstd n svnth d ll hs wrk whch h hd md.
GEN 2:3 Gd blssd svnth d, snctfd t: bcs tht n t h hd rstd ll hs wrk whch Gd crtd md.
GEN 2:4 Ths r gnrtns hvns rth whn th wr crtd, n d tht LORD Gd md rth hvns,
GEN 2:5 vr plnt fld bfr t ws n rth, vr hrb fld bfr t grw: fr LORD Gd hd nt csd t rn pn rth, thr ws nt
GEN 2:6 Bt thr wnt p mst rth, wtrd whl fc grnd.
GEN 2:7 LORD Gd frmd mn dst grnd, brthd nt hs nstrls brth lf; mn bcm lvng sl.
GEN 2:8 LORD Gd plntd grdn stwrd n Edn; thr h pt mn whm h hd frmd.
GEN 2:9 t grnd md LORD Gd grw vr tr tht s plsnt sght, gd fr fd; tr lf ls n mdst grdn, tr knwldg gd vl
GEN 2:10 rvr wnt t Edn wtr grdn; thnc t ws prtd, bcm nt fr hds.
GEN 2:11 nm frst s Psn: tht s t whch cmpssth whl lnd Hvlh, whr thr s gld;
GEN 2:12 gld tht lnd s gd: thr s bdllm nx stn.
GEN 2:13 nm scnd rvr s Ghn: sm s t tht cmpssth whl lnd Ethp.
GEN 2:14 nm thrd rvr s Hddkl: tht s t whch gth twrd st Assr. frth rvr s Ephrts.
GEN 2:15 LORD Gd tk mn, pt hm nt grdn Edn drss t kp t.
GEN 2:16 LORD Gd cmmndd mn, sng, vr tr grdn th mst frl t:
GEN 2:17 Bt tr knwldg gd vl, th shlt nt t t: fr n d tht th tst thrf th shlt srl d.
GEN 2:18 LORD Gd sd, It s nt gd tht mn shld b ln; I wll mk hm hlp mt fr hm.
GEN 2:19 t grnd LORD Gd frmd vr bst fld, vr fwl r; brght thm nt Adm s wht h wld cll thm: whtsvr Adm c
GEN 2:20 Adm gv nms ll cttl, fwl r, vr bst fld; bt fr Adm thr ws nt fnd hlp mt fr hm.
GEN 2:21 LORD Gd csd dp slp fll pn Adm, h slpt: h tk n hs rbs, clsd p flsh nstd thrf;
GEN 2:22 rb, whch LORD Gd hd tkn mn, md h wmn, brght hr nt mn.
GEN 2:23 Adm sd, Ths s nw bn m bns, flsh m flsh: sh shll b clld Wmn, bcs sh ws tkn t Mn.
GEN 2:24 Thrfr shll mn lv hs fthr hs mthr, shll clv nt hs wf: th shll b n flsh.
GEN 2:25 th wr bth nkd, mn hs wf, wr nt shmd.
Re:The bible is meant to be read in context of the Kabbalah of old esoteric Judaism. Unfortunately few Christians understand the Kabbalah, and few Kabbalasts are given the full understanding of it. But to all, now, it is given to completely understand so that souls may be saved. As in the tradition of alchemy, behold, here is the philosopher's stone:
Gnostic Teachings
Actually it's pronounced "DORKSIDED!"