My response to an AA group that I know
Well thanks guys: The thing is that I simply will never ever believe there is an "afterlife". Because there is not. It is a construct of the human mind. We go back to where we were before we existed. The conscious of the universe continues of which we are a part. But our brain and memories die. The "self" dies. There are no consequences after death for action on the earth. I am confident of that and I just do not believe it. As far as family and kids. NO it does not matter because my kid lives half way around the world and has forgotten about me. And he can't talk on the phone and really does not understand concepts like that. So I am already gone to him. And I have no other family that cares. Nobody. So if I was murdered tomorrow it would have no real impact on anybody. I am not connected to anyone. A lot of times people assume everyone has someone who would care. Our words and view altering reality? Well yea in the sense that they can tap OUR deep hidden potential. But as far as there being a power that care and can shape the material universe. I stopped believing it. I do not believe it. I have seen to much horrible tragedy. I have never seen a miracle. Just the operations of the universe. And to the comment about evolution. Well no I do not think it is random. I believe in Universal Intelligence. That below the material level there is a creative intelligence from which all matter and it;s actions like evolution happen. But it cannot love or care about anything. It is what it is. The root of the universe and life. It is the Unified Field. The Superstring. Things like love, hate, jealousy, appreciation are things that have evolved through evolution to allow us to adapt better to the environment. Love is a function of the evolved mind. It makes a better social structure. Without it we would be hurting each other all the time. So it is nothing special. Just an emotion that has evolved. I mean I really hate that it is true. Like I said this universe is not just. It really sucks that Adolph Hitler and a compassionate person that lived an honest life are equal after death. But it is true. Because there is nothing after death to make them unequal. This world is not a nice place. And when we think it is we are forgetting about the fact that our lives are at the expense of others. I mean our lifestyle. You know an awful lot of folks in this world are suffering terribly. Extreme sickness and poverty. And why is this? Well I have figured it out. It is because of all the people in the world that have what the less fortunate do not. You see nobody has the moral right to live beyond their neighbor when their neighbor has little. So we have a nicer house than we need, a little nicer car than we need. We go out to eat. We have a TV set. Indulge in recreation. All things that really are not needed to live in a basic manner. And at the same time other people have nothing. So by having more we are taking away from those with less. So that is selfishness. If we were not selfish we would equalize the wealth and resources between all people on the earth. And I am not saying I am better than the next guy because I believe this. Because I did not do it when I had the resources. But I will tell you what. If I did have them I would give away a lot more money to others in need. That is for damn sure. So we talk about selfishness. The social/economic structure is true selfishness. Having when our fellow man has nothing is selfishness. But as far as the "higher power" goes. I strongly believe it is just our deep potential. Nothing external. Once I knew this kid that was scared of girls. He took a lot of a psychedelic drug. He became convinced that there was a "cube" that existed in his head between his eyes. The cube functioned to sleep with woman. After that he would just go out to bars and pick up tons of girls. He believed the "cube" was all powerful in it's ability to get girls. And it did! All of a sudden he could talk to girls and had all this confidence. He would ask the cube for a certain type of girl for the night and he always found her. For a while the "cube" directed him to girls in red. And that is what he got! He really believed in the cube. What he lacked the cube had. But there are things that even the cube or a similar construct that taps the inner potential cannot give us. All possibilities must be within universal law. There are no miracles. People that are crippled withe a completely severed spinal cord do not walk. You cannot grow a new leg if it is amputated. You cannot raise the dead. You cannot live for 60 minutes under water with no air. And when a plane crashes into a million pieces you just cannot put it back together. It is impossible. Even if you believe it and no matter what you way or do. Hey I believed in this higher power when things were going good. And hell I believed in it in retrospect after things were bad and got good again. But I was never in a situation for years where the hole was so deep getting out was impossible. You see things in a whole new way when that happens. I mean years ago if I would have heard me talk I would have said that I was wrong. That there was always a solution. Really I used to have all the hope in the world in all situations. Then I found reality. There is a point of no return. But hey I am screwed. No way out. But I can at least say to others. I mean warn them not to go too far. Warn them that they better damn well not take their family for granted. Or their job. Or a moderately happy life. Because when things go to far and hope is gone it is a living hell. Should one be grateful for what they have? Well I think they should be grateful for luck and to the people that helped them. But as far as to a higher power beyond their own nervous system I just do not think any more that there is anything to be grateful to. I used to but I then was in a position where I had to face facts. But the point is if you have a life, career, family. Don't take it for granted. Life is not all that solid a thing. You walk a tight rope and substance abuse can take away your balance and let you fall off. And sometimes the fall is small and you can get back on. Other times the fall is great and there is a safety net and you can climb the ladder back up even thought that ladder is very high. But other times the fall is into a mile deep hole with teflon sides and no net. You just can't get out. So life is a tight rope you walk and different things can knock you off. Alcohol and drugs are one. There are others. Walk the rope in a steady manner. Don't do a bunch of risky tricks. It is just stupid to take the risk. Because a steady rope is a wonderful place to be. This is what I say.

r
my friend was saying, lobsang is a doctor why would a man of his intelligence kill himself? I said well he is not a doctor anymore. his license is taken away. and my friend says still, he can find other things if he wanted. I said that his wife and kid left him. And then my friend said, well i had 2 fiancees that died in car accidents. And i still live peaceful. I said that the IRS is after him. And my friend said, there is still ways. Lobsang can find stuff to do if he wants.

Yeah well that is easy to SAY. But when you are in the situation it is different. Everyone THINKS it is easy. But it is not. I am tired of living. Just sick and tired of it.

r
but my friend pete, he had 2 fiancees that died in car accidents and has a heart condition. how come he is happy and just goes to stripclub?

r
maybe you need to get your atlas adjusted.

Yeah...My atlas is jammed out bad in an ASRA. But I have no reason to have it fixed. Because I do not deserve it and even if it was fixed I could not get my family back.

r
but my friend pete lost 2 fianees. he wanted to die too. but he got over it and just lives happy. he is very happy right now

That is a small lose compared to mine. My loses are gigantic. It is easy to get over someone you do not know that long or other things. But when you lose your identity and your family of 16 years it is a bit different.

r
make a list of EVERYTHING that went wrong for you, just very quick notes like 1, 2 ,3 , etc...

I have done this so many times. You know the whole story by now. I mean I told it like 600 times. You know the story.

maybe fix your wife atlas and she will come back