Hey Lobsang, where do you live?
Oh I live on the east coast. Northeast.
You sound like a happy guy.
I'm sure that SacJB wouldn't mind if you came to his house for Thanksgiving. I mean, surely he isn't just using you for your professional advice.
No it is too painful. I mean to see other families. It just makes me worse. I hope I am not around for another thanksgiving. Or christmas. If there is a God. I am asking here and now to die. Please God please I am begging you to put me to sleep. Please.
you need purpose. why don't you use your time to help others instead of complaining so much?
I am too messed up. I barely can function. I look like a homeless person. I cannot afford anything. I have no cloths except one which is all torn up. My house is a wreck. I sleep on a a mat on the floor and there are cloths and junk everywhere. My bags are still unpacked from 4 years ago. My bedroom has feathers all over from this old dirty pillow that broke. I mean everywhere. I am so upset I cannot do anything functional. I am sick. I mean like sick. I cannot even walk in the grocery store because I an exhausted. I cannot afford new glasses and I cannot read unless i have the computer with the print giant. So in the store I have to guess what things say. It is a mess. And when I run out of money. That WILL be the end. On that day action MUST be taken.
I am not so much complaining as trying to get the courage to resolve this. And there is only one way to resolve it.
Your clothes, your messed room, your glasses..
You should be happy you have a roof over your head, somewhere to sleep and sheltered from rain and bad weather..
Your main problem is trying to earn money so you can still have your clothes, roof over your head and food to eat..
Forget your family just like they forgot about you..
AS JAMES WROTE:
It is possible becuase the old saying goes "where there is a will there is a way". So that's proof that it is possible because "anything is possible if you set your mind to it".
even franco, a man whose life is as worthless and resource-draining as any man I've ever met, wants to live (forever, even!). how is it that you, an educated and intelligent person, wants to die?
Well it is not that I "want" to die. It is the only acceptable option. It has to do with quality of life. Just like a person who has a terminal illness and is in pain may choose death, so must I. Neither of us wants to die. We want our lives to be different. I have no quality of life for God's sake. And quality of life is dependent on the person.
My wife is gone. My son is gone. They were my whole world. I loved them so much. My career is gone. All those things were my identity. Being a doctor is a bit different than some other things. It becomes you. Foe someone who is not one it is hard to understand.
I am in constant pain and mental suffering. It is terrible. It has been years. It will not be reversed. I can tell. It is here to stay. Also the loss of my family. My extreme unfixable debt. I cannot live in the forest. I also have physical problems. The physical stuff I could take if my family and career was back.
There is also shame and humiliation.
All this is listed as stated in items 1 thru 7 under the fault. I have let people down. Severely. Caused great damage. And I am old. Cannot start over and do not want to even if I could. The only answer is to die. I have been over it again and again. I cannot live like this and there are no options .
just walk away. start a new life. move to a new place, shave your head, erase your old identity. make new friends, anything it takes to start anew.
LOBSANG, Life is full of possibilities- For you to say there is nothing
more for you to live for - that it total rubbish !
You have this forum now, people here constantly trying to help and
you constantly push them away, this forum is your family now, this
forum brings you hope, new ideas and the will to live..
Dont push it away. ! The mind is powerful, dont let your mind be
stuck in the past.
That is easy to say but harder to do. Wherever you go it is still you. You cannot get away from your mind. I just could not have a new life. I still love my family. I look down on the house with the satellite.
And even if this was not the case my debt follows me. I just owe so so much money and the IRS is looking for me. I can't pay them. And what would I do? Try getting a job after being a doctor. I mean people ask why you would leave. And the minute I work the IRS finds me and bam...My checks are garnished.
And even if I could I am an Alaskan. I can't work in some office. I always was laid back. I could never wear a tie. And all that. I mean I would have to do something outdoors. I guess. I mean that paid. I am not in good health either.
So I am blocked. I cannot live without my family. I just cannot. And if I was of that mindset I could not be with somebody else. But even if I could women who are stimulating intellectually are not going to be attracted to a low wage person who appears to be uneducated. And to be with someone would be unfair because of my debt. I do not want to burden a person. And even outside of all this I cannot really have quality sex because of ED from my hypertension and other stuff. I mean I could try Viagara I guess. But who would want me. And I need someone who has things in common. And living a natural lifestyle and all that.
I mean I never thought I would be a failure and check mated. If I knew in my 20s what I know now I would have everything. An amazing life. But I messed up.
these are all bogus excuses. your main problem is that you need to change your mindset.
you say you can't work with a tie. f@ck that. many people hate it but do it for a greater purpose. find one.
file for
bankruptcy if you need to.
stop living in the past. live in the now. many people are out there dying with cancer and wish they could live another day and enjoy the beauty of the world, and here you are complaining about your life. time to take control of your life, and start anew. stop making excuses.
