Re: d
i think you should write a book about your life and then you can have everything back. it's never too late. you can't give up. where do you live right now?
I am no good at writing and I am to messed up to even think to do it. 99.9% of books do not make money.
But I live on the east coast and I hate it.
shelly has been asking where i am, IM A SUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so what do you plan on doin
Re: d
you can't just throw it all away. Why not keep trying? You may have to work at a 9 to 5 but it is better than taking your own life. You just need to change your values maybe.
No way no how. I am not changing my values. And really my values are not money. They are my family and freedom. And FUC* working 9-5 at some job that goes no where. And I cannot do it anyway because the IRS will track me and others. I have NO options. I know it sounds like I should. But I always in my life had hope and options. I was always the independent one. The guy with the solutions. But then I ruined it all. There is no way out of the pit. I just can't get out. It is too deep. I can see there is no hope. I have tried for years. But I have no way out. And now I am sick too. I live in hell. Damn it Damn it Damn it. I should have my family back. I should be a doctor again. I should have my home and properties and freedom back. Damn it Damn it. I should have a winter home in Malibu. But mostly my family and freedom. I FAILED AT LIFE AND I FAID AT MY GOALS> DAMN IT!!! I
so what do you plan on doin
I do not have any idea. Even if I did not kill my self I will die. My heart is broken. I cannot live much longer. I have no future. I do not want a life without my family and my life back. It is no life. It is no life.
Your problem is not the universe. Your problem is you are too fussy. The majority of people on this planet lead what you call second rate lives: probably 99%.
If you volunteered to help such people, and still can only think of yourself, then you are wrong: it is all about self-pity.
I don't believe you are like that. Didn't helping SacJB take your mind off your own problems even for a moment?
But if you are seriously as selfish as you claim, then I have the solution:
get false papers for a new identity, get electroshock therapy to impair your memory to help you forget your old life, then start over in a new country.
Well the REST of the people on the planet are not me. And they did not work as hard as I did and then lose everything. And I am not selfish at all. I simply cannot live without my family. Even IF I got all the other thigs restored they would not be with me, So that is the majotr issue. Nothing is worth doing without them.
And I know you are kidding about the other country and all but that is not easy to do at all. And I am not smart enough to do something like that. I am very unintelligent. Yes there are a couple of things I am good at. But left to myself everything falls apart. My life, my house.. Just everything. I am good at a couple of things and could p
SacJB Shady- 08-04-2008
d
you may have to make some sacrifices. forgot about the other stuff and just focus on your family. tell them how u feel and you need them.
SacJB Shady- 08-04-2008
d
you seem pretty balanced when you write on the forum though. You told me about all the websites and make poems, etc...
SacJB Shady- 08-04-2008
d
i am curious. how did you find this forum and know about this forum? how did you find out about alex chiu? how long have you known about him? what is your story?
jc- 08-04-2008
Well since ALEX does not seem to care to make a spell so you can get your family back then you should try those who can, there are a few powerful spell casters on the net who can really help your situation, they are no jokers and cast the most powerful spells, they dont cost much either..
Will you try them ?
If not, them i suggest you go with KAME`S idea..
kamebazooka- 08-05-2008
You're right the rest of the world is not you, many of them worked hard all their lives and never get close to what you had. Who has a rainforest?
You are right I am kidding about the electroshock idea, but part of that idea is serious: if your personality is making you unhappy, then you can change it.
The fact that you don't want to means you want to stay this way. How long has it been since you lost your family? If it is over a year, maybe you don't have normal grief, but clinical depression.
myfantasia- 08-05-2008
Why can't you see your son? Can't you get visitation. Maybe at least with your son in your life, it will give you something to live for.
Lobsang- 08-05-2008
I tried to tell you that it is not just all that simple. I lst EVERYTHING and continue to be in a position where I cannot recover anything. Even if I could get over my family I cannot get the quality of life that I want. And all of these things are not acceptable. But they are unchangeable. I will NOT be in a position where I cannot control my reality to a high degree. NEVER. No family? No freedome? No control?...Be a friggen pawn on the chessboard of life? FORGET IT!! It is not worth it. I just do not want it. Try losing being a doctor. Try losing your family and everthing and going from control to none. Try It. I do NOT WANT another reality. I will NOT be a slave!! Never. I am in control. I control the chessboard. I will not play the life game any other way.
You see besides mental restrictions there are very very material restrictions. So I am ruined from every angle. Every way. I want MY life back. And if I cannot have freedom then I do not want to live. It has been 7 years since I ruined my life. And no I do not have "clinical depression". I have seen people for that and taken pills. I entertained it. Nothing fixes anything. I was totally happy and then everything was ruined. I was not ever really depressed. I was happy.
I am telling you this is because of VERY REAL circumstances. The only reason why you have never heard anyone talk this way is because if they were in my situation they killed themselves or died of a broken heart. But I am just hanging on longer then them. That is all. Happy for a life and then everything ruined and then sad for 7 years. That is the situation. Nothing can be fixed. WTF? I must be nuts for suffering for this long. But I am a pussy. A loser. A real man would do what needs to be done. Not procrastinate like this. I am totally messed up.
Lobsang- 08-05-2008
Why can't you see your son? Can't you get visitation. Maybe at least with your son in your life, it will give you something to live for.
That would not help. And plus he lives half way around the world. I want my life back. I can't get there. And I could not bear to see another man with MY wife and in MY house. I could not go back to the rainforest without having my family back. The texture of the universe has changed.
SacJB Shady- 08-05-2008
s
lobsang, do you have a plan at all? what are you considering doing? I know you won't kill yourself, so your goin to have to try to do something. Just a suggestion. Don't kill yourself. but if i had to kill myself between the options that you gave me, I would just eat crap and die of a heart attack. there are many benefits to that way. For number one, it doesn't happen all of a sudden so you have time to think about it. And number 2, someone that follows that can die with a little pleasure because they are stuffing there face with lots of good tasting junkfood. You would get to have fun while you are doin it. Lots of burger king, mcdonalds, taco bell, pizza hut, burger joints, midnight buffets, and that stuff. and you could go to stripclubs and burn all your money. get drunk all the time and lots of smoking. way less painful then a bullet to your head. and you have time to think about it. If you decide to live, you just clean up your lifestyle and recover. How does that sound? You get to kill yourself by stuffing your face with junk food!
